Blooper Reel (Mission 16 - Secret Mission)
My best time on Expert: 44 seconds
Maximum Possible Treasure: 850
Note: Remember, all my best times for the missions are done with maximum possible treasure for that mission. This mission is very easy to finish in a much shorter time if you don't go for the treasure. (My personal best that way is 10 seconds.)
Introduction
"Bla bla bla"
I have a simple job planned for this evening. Break into a guarded mansion, steal another fat nobleman's priceless trinket, and leave quietly. Lord Bafford is out of town, and rumour has it that the captain of his house guard went with him, as a bodyguard. The time is ripe for a bit of burglary.
The front gate of Lord Bafford's manor is always guarded, and the main street is far too exposed. But Cutty tells me there's a better way in...around to the side, more out of the way. One guard, and likely no witnesses to...complicate matters.
The piece Cutty wants is a scepter...silver, jewels, the usual adornments. It should command a high price. Bafford, like most of his kind, probably keeps his treasures on the top floor of the place. Close to his heart...and far from his servants.
No point in waiting. I have Cutty's old sketches of the place, and everyone who's going to be asleep inside already is. It's time to begin....
Objectives
Your objectives for this mission do not change based on your difficulty level.
- Tour the level and see some of the things that cropped up as bugs during production of Thief - and some others that existed only in our rather twisted imaginations. When you've seen all you care to, press the button in the main entrance.
Simplified Objectives
- Tour the level and see the bugs - then press the button in the main entrance.
Before The Mission
What You'll Encounter: Burricks, Frogs, Guards, Zombies, Insect-Beasts, Fly Swarms, Chests.
Starting Funds: 300
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Starting Gear:
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Items for Sale:
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Considering the comical nature of this mission, it's highly unlikely you'll want to extinguish torches that often. If you must buy something, buy up the Broadhead Arrows.
Recommended Purchases: 12 Broadhead Arrows. Total Cost: 300
Mission Notes
Bet you were wondering if I was going to include this or not, hmmm? :)
This mission is pretty straight forward. It uses a modified version of the map for "Lord Bafford's Manor", so you should already be pretty familiar with the terrain. I'll try to point out some of the highlights you'll find in this mission.
In some areas you'll find some small plaques on the walls. Read these plaques to get some interesting (and sometimes hilarious) information. I'll try to point out the locations of all of these.
Some of the normal rules of the game don't apply for this mission. For example, you can successfully use your blackjack on an enraged guard charging at you. Your blackjack tends to makes corpses rather than unconscious bodies however.
Speaking of corpses, I've noticed that most of the time if you pick up a body, regardless of who that body belonged to, the small image in the bottom centre of the screen tends to show you carrying a captain.
Due to various circumstances, this walkthrough requires a bit of backtracking. Sorry. :(
As always, if you find something in this mission that I missed, please let me know about it. And above all, remember that this is a farcical mission...have fun!
Walkthrough
| Entering the Manor | The Second Floor | The First Floor | The City |
Entering the Manor
As in the first mission, you'll start off facing the entrance to the manor. Coming down the street towards you is a Burrick, with four Frogs in tow. They make a nice Mother/babies parade, don't you think? :) (Incidentally, is it just me, or does the wind sound like someone blowing into a microphone?)
Ignore these creatures, they are harmless. Move towards the entrance. Inside the actual entrance in the wall there is a plaque on one side, which describes the colour scheme you're seeing.
Move into the entry area of the manor. The three guards here are pretty rigid in their duties (sorry, couldn't resist). If you kill these guards, they won't fall. They'll remain in their last position unless you pick up their bodies. Once you drop their bodies however, they will sink into the ground down to the waist, leaving the rest above ground (and upright).
Move up the stairs and into the manor proper. Directly across from you is a button on the wall, with a plaque next to it. The plaques reads "DON'T PRESS THIS BUTTON!" This is, of course, the button you press when you've seen enough and are ready to quit the mission.
Ahead of you are two entrances. Move through the one on your right. If it hasn't happened yet, this will attract the attention of an archer. However, he's harmless. He shoots apples at you. (Sort of a William Tell reversal?) You can pick these apples up and eat them if you like. There may also be another guard here, which I refer to as a Ghost Guard. He's completely gray and featureless...this is what happens when you forget to include the skin, I guess. :)
Oh, by now you should see what I consider the highlight of this mission: The Zombie Chorus Line. They will ignore you completely, no matter what you do. (Incidentally, they bleed gray blood.) And yes, despite appearances, all of the dancers are Zombies.
Look at the wall behind the Zombie Showghouls. There is a doorway behind them which you want to take. Once you've found it, move through it. Move forward, and at the end turn right. Follow these stairs to the top. At the top, continue forward through the archway ahead and into the hallway beyond.
[Note: Sometimes, the Zombies manage to dance their way onto this staircase, and on one occasion I found them dancing in a room upstairs! Also, when you come back here later, you may find that the Zombies have stopped dancing and are just standing around doing nothing.]
The Second Floor
Turn left, and move forward. Take the first right and move into the room. There's a drunken party here, with only three revelers still conscious. (Actually, the others are all corpses, but why quibble?) On the gaming table are seventeen bottles of fine wine (50, 50, 50, 50, 50, 50, 50, 50, 50, 50, 50, 50, 50, 50, 50, 50, 50, Treasure Count: 50, 100, 150, 200, 250, 300, 350, 400, 450, 500, 550, 600, 650, 700, 750, 800, 850).
And now, the award for the worst case of overacting in a computer game goes to these three drunken guards! Kill them, or knock them out. Go ahead, it's okay. They will take a LONG time to die, but the eventually will fall. (Be warned that when you attack the first one though, the others may stop partying and attack you.)
[NOTE: Once they start spinning, they are technically considered "corpses" by the game, and you can pick them up. If you do so, then drop then again quickly, you will be able to watch them spin much faster for a short time.]
A lot of the corpses in this room, if looked at at the right angle, will "change" into the bodies of more of the "Ghost Guards". Once you change your angle of view though, they revert right back. (Incidentally, this is the only other place I have encountered the Ghost Guard mentioned in the previous section. Sometimes he's up here, sometimes he's downstairs.)
Turn around and exit this room the way you came in. Turn right, move forward, turn left, and move forward all the way to the end. Open the door ahead of you, then quickly move into the room and turn right. You will be able to watch the door move back against the far wall and disappear into it.
Turn left, and move across the room to the next door. Move through it. Again, if you turn right fast enough you'll see the door do it's disappearing act.
Once you've finished watching the door (if you chose to), turn around so that the doorway you just went through is to your left.
Remember those Captains from Lord Bafford's? Well, they're still here, patrolling this hallway. Wait for them here. Their weapons don't appear to be very effective against you however. Also, when they die their bodies freeze in their last position. Picking up and dropping their bodies will have the same effect as those outside the manor. (Note: Grab their keys!)
Once the two are dealt with, turn so you are facing down the long hallway, and move forward. You will very soon come to a door on your right. Turn right and open the door. Interesting...someone is dining on Head of Burrick. :)
That's all that there is to find in that room, so turn left and continue down the hall. Ahead are two doorways, one on either side of the hall, directly across from each other. Go through the left doorway.
Be careful! There's a Burrick in here! I'm not really sure WHY there's a Burrick in here, but it's here. (Note: One time, I found it drowned in the bathtub.) This Burrick has a problem with it's breath weapon...it only seems to work properly every other breath. Also, it doesn't seem to run away. Once it reaches the "whimper stage", it just seems to freeze in place, until you finish the job.
Once the Burrick is taken care of turn around until you find the Fire Arrows resting on the tub. Move over to them, and look beneath them. Just underneath them, on the tub, is a plaque about them. Once you've read it, pick up the arrows. Notice that the glow from the arrowheads stays on the tub? :)
[Note: I've never been able to get the Fire Arrows to behave the way the plaque describes them.]
Turn and find the doorway you used to enter this room, and exit by it. In the hall, turn left and move forward. There's a door on the right. Stop in front of it, and turn to face it. There's a plaque on the wall to the left of the door.
I consider this a real treat. Open the door, and you'll see two Insect-Beasts battling it out. One of them is the familiar design you are used to from the later missions of the game. The other is completely new to you. It's the original design that they apparently abandoned in favour of the familiar one.
As long as you leave them alone, these creatures seem to leave you alone...although that is not ALWAYS the case. But unless you take action against them, they pretty much stay in the room and antagonize each other. (If you get hit by their Fly Swarms, don't forget you're carrying nine Healing Potions.) There's nothing worth seeing in the room with them, so watch them as long as you like, then close the door and turn left. Move forward until you come to a door on your left. Move through the door into the library.
On the first table inside the library is another plaque. Once you've read it, grab the Gas Arrows, and try them out. After you've "shot" one, you can grab it again. (If only they were reusable in the game itself!)
There's one other item of interest in here. Turn so your back is to the wall filled with books. You should see two banners across the room from you, a table beneath each. The leftmost table has a scroll on it. Go ahead and read the scroll. :)
Once you're finished here, turn and find the door OPPOSITE the one you came in through. Go through this door. In the hallway, move forward until you can turn left, then do so. (You may hear the sounds of nearby guards...just ignore it.)
You should now be in the garden. Turn right, and head up the stairs ahead. Turn left, and continue up the stairs to the top. Turn left again, and move forward until you reach the light fixture in the wall ahead.
On the railing to your left is a lever. Operate it, then look up right away. You'll get a nice fireworks show. Operate the lever again, and you'll get another one. The show alternates between using Fire Arrows and something else...they explode like Gas Arrows, but dissipate like Water Arrows.
Once you've finished playing with your new toy, turn right around and move forward. Turn left through the archway ahead. Move through the room and exit via the tunnel ahead.
Turn left, and move forward. When you reach the banner at the end, whip out your sword and chop it down. Move into the tunnel beyond. There's a plaque directly ahead. Follow the directions if you like, then follow the tunnel. It twists and turns like a twisty, turny thing, but you'll soon come to the end. Before leaving the tunnel, stop.
SAVE YOUR GAME! There's a spot nearby where you can get stuck and be unable to move. Move out of the tunnel and onto the beam ahead. Be careful, there's a weird sort of slippery/gravity thing that wants to pull you off the beam.
Try to steady yourself on the beam, and shoot a Broadhead Arrow at the funny guard down there. Funny guard? Yes...he looks likes a Captain but his sound files have been swapped for a Burricks. He's easy to kill, but he also is very timid, and tends to run out of the room as soon as he sees you.
When the coast is clear down there, turn so your back is to the entrances to the secret tunnel you just used, then turn left and move forward. If you are walking on a beam still, then sidestep off onto the landing below.
Once on the landing, turn right around, move forward and fall into the room proper. Hmmm...it seems that when old Bafford's away, the guards will play. Someone's set this up to be a basketball court, complete with a basketball in the centre. Go ahead, take a few shots. (Incidentally, if you take the basketball with you to an area where there is water, it bobs and floats nicely.) You'll probably hit the gongs several times while playing around. I personally think it would have been a nice touch if the designers had put in a few guards here playing basketball. :)
[Note: I do not know if there is anything special that happens if you get the ball through one of the two basketball hoops in this room. I've never been able to do it.]
When you've finished playing, turn to find the exit from here which leads to the "Throne Room". Then move through it.
Yup the throne has been replaced by...well, a throne. :) As you face it, there's a lever on the right side of it that you can operate to flush the throne.
Hey, that's a pretty nice wanted poster above the throne, isn't it? Well, isn't it? Hmmm...maybe not. Turn left a bit and you'll see a plaque on the wooden pillar there. Read it to find the story behind the guy in the picture.
When you're done your business in here (sorry, couldn't resist
Move through the doorway of your choice, then turn (either left or right, depending on which way you went) to face the door. Now, these doors act peculiarly. Neither opens as a normal door should. One will fall forward into the ground, and the other pivots on a lower corner into the wall. Open the door ahead of you, and enjoy the bug. Then move forward into the next room.
Directly ahead of you is another door...it's the other door that exits the room you just left. Go ahead, open it to watch its wacky behaviour too.
Now turn until you find an exit at the top of some stairs, and take it. You're back in the hallway again. Turn right, and move forward until you find a door (either open or closed, depending on how you left it) on your left. When you find it move through it. Move through the library again, and exit the door opposite the one you entered. In the hallway, move all the way down to the end, then turn left.
SAVE YOUR GAME! Why? This next part is just hilarious, in my opinion. Ahead there's a doorway on your right. Move through it, then turn left.
Ahead of you, on the floor, is a guard. Yes, really. That little blot of colour is a guard. They've somehow compressed him and wrapped him up. He's got a higher pitched voice than the other guards do too, it's quite funny. If you want to really laugh at this guy, climb the stairs in this room partway up, and watch him try to follow you!
When you've had enough of watching the antics of this representative of the Lollipop Guild, dispatch him. When he dies, he looks like he's trying to unwrap himself. Alas, he doesn't succeed. I'm afraid you can't pick up his body either.
The only other item of interest in this room is the fire burning in the fireplace. It's a Fire Elemental, but it doesn't attack you. In fact, it's completely harmless. You can go into the fireplace with it and push against it, and it does you no harm whatsoever!
SAVE YOUR GAME! Just in case. By now you have probably heard some nearby noises that sound remarkably like the noises Craymen make. Well, those noises are coming from the room above. Turn until you find the staircase in this room, then move over to it, and climb it to the top.
Once there, turn left and survey the room. That is, if you aren't being attacked yet. Those noises are NOT coming from Craymen. There are four Chests in this room, and they are moving to attack you! Yes, Chests...you know, those things you've opened on so many occasions to get items out of. Well, they want their revenge! And they can follow you down the stairs too!
They're tough to kill, but it can be done. I have never taken damage from them, so I don't think they are capable of hurting you. Once they die, they sort of sink partway into the floor. Alas, you can never open these chests to find out what's inside them. Perhaps that's a good thing. :)
When you're finished playing around in here, take the staircase back down to the room below. Turn right, move forward, and go through the opening on your left that you'll find. Back in the hall, turn left, move forward, and turn right as soon as you're able. Move forward, and take the next right. It should lead to a short staircase leading into another room.
Holy telekinesis, Batman! What gives here? To find out, read the plaque on the wall next to the burning torch. It's ahead and slightly to the right.
If you knock out or kill Cutty here, he will collapse like a regular person, but remain floating. However, if you pick him up then drop him, his body acts like anyone else's.
When you're finished playing with your old friend Cutty, turn until you find another exit from this room (there's a torch burning beside it), and go through it, taking the stairs down into the room below.
The First Floor
Turn left, and move through the exit you see there. Follow this tunnel to the end, and enter the next room.
There are two guards in this room, both acting peculiarly. They take damage for no reason whatsoever. At first, I thought this was because they were walking into the torches...every time I saw them take damage, it seemed to coincide with that. But a few times, I've seen it happen without cause.
The two guards will keep taking damage, occasionally running from the room to escape the "Phantom Swordsman" (or whatever is killing them). Eventually, they will return. And eventually, they do die from it. Watch the show, or dispatch them yourselves if you're in a hurry.
Now, from the point which you entered this room from, turn so your back is to the tunnel you used. Almost directly across from you is another door. Move across the room and open it. It swings open real fast, doesn't it?
Enter the room. This is Bafford's art gallery. Take a moment to examine some of the paintings. Not exactly on par with the Pre-Raphaelites, but not bad. :)
When you've finished being an art critic, move across the room to the other side, and go through the door you'll find. Turn left and move down this long hallway until you can turn left again, then do so.
SAVE YOUR GAME! This time, there's a good reason. Move forward into the next room, which is the pool room. You will observe a single guard in this room, wandering around at the bottom of the pool. Don't ask me how he keeps from drowning, I never see him come up for air. You can dispatch him easily with a few Broadheads.
Turn right, and move towards the torch in the wall ahead. When you get close enough, you'll find a plaque on the wall next to it. Well, ALMOST on the wall. If you position yourself the right way, you'll be able to look behind the plaque and see that it's NOT attached to the wall. It's floating in mid-air.
After reading the plaque, you may be tempted to try swimming in the pool. This is why you saved your game. Once you're in the pool, it's very difficult sometimes to extricate yourself from it. Also, if you haven't dealt with the guard yet, he'll kill you.
Once you're finished in this room, turn to find an exit opposite the one you used to come in here, and move through it, continuing until you enter the next room. Ahead and to the left are two exits from this hallway. Move through the rightmost one, then turn right. Move down the hall to find your next surprise...another representative from the Lollipop Guild!
SAVE YOUR GAME! With this guy, you can have some fun. Wound him to the point where he runs away, then follow him. He'll lead you down this hall, down the next, and into a room with two Burricks just standing around. Ignore them (although you may want to look around the room if you like, there's really nothing to see aside from the Burricks). Eventually, the munchkin will lead you out the main entrance to the manor, and move down the stairs. It's great fun watching him trying to run back UP the stairs. When you've had enough, finish him off, and watch his little body roll down the slope. :) Then reload your game so you don't have to walk all the way back.
Go through the door ahead of you. Move all the way down the hall then turn right. Move forward and take the second left. Continue forward and turn right. Move forward until you find a doorway to the right, then stop. Turn left, and read the plaque on the wall. Then turn around so you're looking into the room through the doorway, and watch the Burricks kill themselves.
When you've had enough of that, turn left and move forward. Ignore the first right turn, and take the second. You'll be in a room with two servants, one male and one female.
All right everyone, sing with me... o/~ Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting... o/~ I don't know why I find it so funny to watch these two attack you with their bare hands, but I do. Don't let them keep it up for too long though, as they can hurt you and eventually kill you. Deal with them when you've had enough, then turn around and leave the way you came in. Turn left, move forward, then turn left again. Move all the way down this hall, and turn right. Move forward, turn left, and open the door ahead of you.
Welcome to the kitchen. Turn slightly to the left and you'll see the servant in this room working on tonight's feast...stuffed Burrick. Move closer behind the servant and you'll see he's not really all there. No, I don't mean he's crazy...the graphics aren't quite right with him, and you can see through parts of his body. Deal with him as you like.
You should now be facing across the room to another door. Move over to it, and go through it. In this room, you should see a table with several bottles stacked on it. Move over to the table, and start removing bottles from the bottom, throwing each away as you grab it. Amazingly, the top row remains right where it is even when the bottom row is completely removed. (And just why is it that everytime I throw one of these bottles, it lands standing upright?)
Just for fun, throw all of the bottles into the corner of the room, then shoot a Fire Arrow at them. If you survive it, it's quite a show. One time, I watched a bottle spin up into the air, and land on the floor upside down! :)
Well, that's pretty much it. Turn around and find the only other exit from this room, and go through the door. Then turn left, move forward, turn right, and move all the way down this hall. Turn left, move forward, turn right, move forward, then turn right again. Move forward back into the main hall, and turn left. Ahead is an archway. Move forward through the archway, then immediately turn right. Press the button on the wall beside the plaque.
Congratulations! You've accomplished absolutely nothing! :)
The City
SAVE YOUR GAME! This last section is only for those who like to find everything they can. Make your way back to the point where you used your sword to cut down the banner that was hiding the secret tunnel leading to the basketball room with the guard that sounded like a Burrick. (Does anyone else think that sentence sounds like part of the song "I Know An Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly"?)
Turn right so you are facing the "railing". Jump onto the railing. Then jump forward and mantle up onto the roof ahead.
From this point, you can get down to the city streets any number of ways. However, there is only one part with any real interest.
You should still be facing the direction you were when you mantled up onto the wall. Move forward, allowing yourself to fall. Then move forward again, and when you reach the roof's edge walk off of it as well. You are now on the street below.
If you turn to your left here, you'll find the wellhouse from Lord Bafford's Manor. There's no key for it this time, but if you want to get inside you can chop the door down with your sword. Unfortunately, there's nothing in there. Also to your left are two streetlamps. If you examine the farther one closely, you'll notice that it is somehow being levitated a short distance off the ground.
There's also a guard patrolling the streets in this section. As long as you don't attack him, he will treat you as if you're just another bloke out for a walk. Even with your Sword drawn, he won't react unless you attempt to use it. Killing him will provide you with another overacted death scene.
All right...one more thing to find, if you're still interested. From the wellhouse, with your back to it, move forward until you can turn left, then do so. Follow this winding street until you have to make a choice again. Turn left, and follow the street again. When you come to the top of a slope in the street, move down to the bottom of the slope, and turn right. You should be looking into a niche. Within that niche (just like in Lord Bafford's Manor), you'll find some arrows for your arsenal: twelve Broadheads and four Water Arrows.
Alas, I'm afraid that once you leave the roof area of the manor, there's no way to get back inside. That's why I suggested you save your game at the beginning of this section. (You DID save your game, didn't you...?)
Congratulations! You're stuck! :)