margotbean.com
Welcome to the birth of a new blog

12/01/2009 - Education Gone Awry?

A local commercial for a SuperBowl contest claims that two "runner up's" will win a $50 gift card. Can you spot what's wrong with that statement?

The contest is a joint effort between a local University and the local CBS affiliate. "Go team!"

12/03/2009 - Garbage Day

It's winter here on the Great Lakes. Don't you hate it when you realize that you have to not only put on shoes, but a heavy coat, hat, and gloves just to walk to the curb?

My informal survey of coworkers shows that 12% of men refuse to get bundled up; they brave the cold uncovered. 98% of women say they make their husbands take out the trash. Times like these I wish I could find a good "rent-a-husband" service. Brrr!

12/15/2009 - Bethy's Birthday

I dreamt about a childhood friend last night. Actually, my first best friend. We were born three days apart and lived three houses apart. He was an awesome friend, always up for any goofy girly-game I thought up. Mostly we traveled to other planets, but he let me be a princess-diplomat every time. sigh.

In my dream, he was fixing up his parents' house in anticipation of buying it. The old house in the lower-east side of town... I couldn't believe it! Such a bad neighborhood! I kept asking him why! He already owns his own house in a good area where he lives with his wife and children...why the heck would he even want to be a landlord in the ghetto, much less hang a "Home Sweet Home" sign and set up residence?! In my dream, I placed my hand gently but firmly on his arm, looked him in the eyes, and asked "Why, for god's sake, why?" It felt like the most human contact I've had in a while.

So, I called my long-lost bff Bethy and sung "Happy Birthday" to her answering machine. Sometimes we don't have to receive affection to feel connected to the world. Sometimes all it takes is a phonecall.

12/19/2009 - Winter continues

Color me annoyed. I was awoken this Saturday morning by three kids knocking on my door and ringing the bell for five minutes. It seems they wanted to shovel my driveway. I find this perplexing, as three sets of bootprints seems to have completely removed the thin trace of powder that's currently fallen.

I want to praise their ambition and work ethic, I really do, but with the lack of snow and the early hour, I feel more like the victim of aggressive telemarketing than someone who's crushed the hopes of three teens facing a weekend with no disposable income.

It's not that I'm opposed to paying someone else to do a difficult job -- two years ago I paid a boy $20 to shovel 8" from my driveway and sidewalk. I watched him as he worked, seemingly in fast-forward. He really attacked it, finishing in about ten minutes what would have taken me an hour. So, I felt the hour's pay I gave him was well worth it. Unfortunately, he never came back! I can only hope he did well enough to buy a fleet of snowplows, and move to Buffalo, NY, where he's sure to become a millionaire.

As for me, I'm left without the best, and without proper rest.

12/25/2009 - Merry Christmas My Tree is beautiful. Magical, even. I remember being a child and staring at the tree, absolutely certain it was the center of all good things, of all the light and peace around me. This year, I had a little trouble with the tree... While trying to remove section B from the stand in anticipation of inserting section C, as I was supposed to do in the first place, the Christmas tree's stand whapped me in the face, bending and chipping my year-old pristine Vera Wang frames and giving me the second shiner of my life. It's all I can think of when I look at it.

1/9/2010 - Sabotage in my Mailbox

My back has been sore for a couple of days. Too much snow shoveling, I suppose. The one night I finally got enough rest, I woke up with an annoying twinge between my shoulder blades that progressed to an intense ache intermixed with searing pain as I padded gently through the day in my bedroom slippers.

A side effect of the pain was that I chose not to shovel the front steps. (Where are those damned annoying teenagers now that there's a couple of feet out there?!)

I've no lack of considerate neighbors who own snow blowers (big powerful monstrous ones), and they've kept my driveway more than passable lately. But you can't use a snowthrower on cement steps - we're all on our own for that job. And since I've been busy shoveling and salting every day for the past too-many-to-count days, I expected a bit of consideration...from the only person who traverses my steps besides me...the mailman.

Normally, my mailman is a gem. If there's a package I need to sign for, and I've stepped out, he'll actually stop back around a second time to see if I've returned. His dedication to the postman's creed floors me. And, he's a nice guy. We've had many enjoyable political discussions prompted by the "Hillary for President" signs still proudly displayed in my front windows. (Hey, I paid $32 for them, I'm not throwing them away!) I love the guy!

So, I was more than a little dismayed to find "not shoveled 1/8/10" scrawled on the front of one of my letters today. More like outraged.

It just so happens that I was going out to try to shovel when I checked the mail today. I noticed the comment, but decided to use my anger on the snow, and deal with the graffiti-ing mailman later. Unfortunately, I completely threw my back out on the second step, and had to quit immediately. I don't know how I got my shoes off! I've never felt such pain!

So, here it is, 6 hours later. I'm well medicated and comfortable, despite the fact that it's only 4 degrees outside. It's time to decide what to do about the insult tattooed on my private mail. Do I dare do anything to get my beloved postman in trouble? I am well aware that he's free to skip my house if he deems it dangerous to deliver my mail, and he must be aware of this too. Why not just do that instead of violating my letter? What the hell was he thinking? Or, was it a substitute mailman? Some new little snot who thinks it's his job to keep track of my winter obligations?

There's no shortage of unshoveled homes in my neighborhood. The idiots who live behind me haven't shoveled in four years. The woman across the street is in her 70's. Are they receiving nasty memos as well? Is this some new policy of the post office - keep track of how many days we're laid up, and put hash marks on the mail to let us know that they know? Someone should tell them that today is the 9^th, then, and it's actually been TWO DAYS that I've neglected my steps.

Tomorrow is Sunday, and the post office is closed. Perhaps by Monday I will have calmed down and thrown the envelope in the recycling bin where it belongs. Looking at the big picture, it's not a reason to go to war with my mailman. I suppose he does have the upper hand, if I ever want to get another package. Still, with all the barking dogs and rude rude rude neighbors, I don't think I can let this little jab slide. What would you do?

2/3/2010 - A Crime Against Vegetarianism

My favorite veggie dogs, made by Morningstar Farms®, have been discontinued, due to supplier issues: http://www.morningstarfarms.com/veggiedog.aspx. Does the mafia control the soy supply now? Or is it trade sanctions against North Korea? Nobody's fessing up! I'm completely devastated!

2/18/2010 - Update

Kellogg's responded to my email protesting the discontinuation of Veggie Dogs...they suggested I substitute Veggie Sausage Links instead. I emailed them and said if they expected me to serve breakfast sausage at a large summer picnic, they'd lost their minds. If this is an indication of their business sense, I'm not surprised they can't find a kitchen to make their veggie dogs anymore...

2/6/2010 - The joys of home ownership

I don't know which is worse...it took me 2 weeks to rake all those leaves.

Questions/comments: Email margotbean@hotmail.com. Be sure to tell me if I can post your email, and how you'd like your name to appear